"I am burned and raw and angry and hurt. And I am learning that when we are willing to be courageous enough to be honest with ourselves and with each other … so is everyone else." and the connection to the ABC's, touched me so deeply. Churches like nonprofits, want so much to be about the mission, and yet 90% of time and energy goes to the ABC's so the mission can carry on. Often at the risk of leaders (who arrived for the right reason) becoming totally burned out with a heavy heart on how it impacted those most important to them. I think "under the boots of the empire" is a whole book, and how not to lose your spirit, joy and passion along the way. I know others have done something similar - but it was about returning and performing better. I mean more aligned with your post. Sitting in it, and taking the time, finding the silence so you can listen to yourself again. Well apparently this did strike a cord, because I rarely, if ever, post a response. Wishing you and all of us lots of silence this weekend.
I, too, have stepped away from institutional church, but not my vocation… much of what you have written echos my heart. Your internalized experience of unfolding pain and your search for whom to be present among with this wound is also resonant with my experience.
I’m so glad you have a synagogue community to hold your heart gently.
Thanks, Adrien. I am meeting so many people who are in similar places ... and pretty much everyone is spinning in trauma ... from COVID if nothing else ... and for most people there is a LOT else. It is so holy and hopeful to find any group that is honest about it. I'm also getting great clarity that my vocation is completely separate from whether I ever associate with the institution again. Blessings to you.
The adversary loves to destroy the church institution from within. In our humanity, we seem to be easy pickings. Churchgoers may see the unchurched as the enemy, but the real enemy to the church is normally within the midst. I stood (or sat) 30 feet away as a music minister called my pastor father the worst pastor he'd ever heard. (He was fortunate I had not yet hit puberty.) I also watched another church tear him apart, yet he still does funerals for congregants 18 years later. It is maddening vanity.
My heart breaks for the people on both sides of this tragedy. Thank you for the perspective and sharing the joy you found in community. And, yes, generational trauma runs strong. ❤️
"I am burned and raw and angry and hurt. And I am learning that when we are willing to be courageous enough to be honest with ourselves and with each other … so is everyone else." and the connection to the ABC's, touched me so deeply. Churches like nonprofits, want so much to be about the mission, and yet 90% of time and energy goes to the ABC's so the mission can carry on. Often at the risk of leaders (who arrived for the right reason) becoming totally burned out with a heavy heart on how it impacted those most important to them. I think "under the boots of the empire" is a whole book, and how not to lose your spirit, joy and passion along the way. I know others have done something similar - but it was about returning and performing better. I mean more aligned with your post. Sitting in it, and taking the time, finding the silence so you can listen to yourself again. Well apparently this did strike a cord, because I rarely, if ever, post a response. Wishing you and all of us lots of silence this weekend.
I, too, have stepped away from institutional church, but not my vocation… much of what you have written echos my heart. Your internalized experience of unfolding pain and your search for whom to be present among with this wound is also resonant with my experience.
I’m so glad you have a synagogue community to hold your heart gently.
Thanks, Adrien. I am meeting so many people who are in similar places ... and pretty much everyone is spinning in trauma ... from COVID if nothing else ... and for most people there is a LOT else. It is so holy and hopeful to find any group that is honest about it. I'm also getting great clarity that my vocation is completely separate from whether I ever associate with the institution again. Blessings to you.
Thank you for this.
You are welcome
One huge thing you mention that we all have in common is that we are all temporally under the boots of empires.
Amen. And I love how you said “temporarily”
The adversary loves to destroy the church institution from within. In our humanity, we seem to be easy pickings. Churchgoers may see the unchurched as the enemy, but the real enemy to the church is normally within the midst. I stood (or sat) 30 feet away as a music minister called my pastor father the worst pastor he'd ever heard. (He was fortunate I had not yet hit puberty.) I also watched another church tear him apart, yet he still does funerals for congregants 18 years later. It is maddening vanity.
You left off one of the Hall sisters: Renata. I think I went to Vail with them. I remember them from Jr. Strings and the church camp in Prescott. :)
Yeah ... but by the time I met the Halls, Renata was already out of the house and I never really knew her.
I think Annie was friends with one of them. ?
Love this. I haven't thought about them in ages. And I love your writing. Hope you're finding peace.
My heart breaks for the people on both sides of this tragedy. Thank you for the perspective and sharing the joy you found in community. And, yes, generational trauma runs strong. ❤️
Thank-you for your vulnerability, curiosity and love, Mike.